"always my mommy"

The past few days this has been Lauren's phrase... "I love you mommy, you will always be my mommy" Oh how those words melt my heart!

Before the beginning of Lauren's life, before the beginning of my life; I believe God chose Lauren (as well as my other children, but this post is about Lauren) to be my daughter. God does not exist or work on our "timeline". When He created the world in the beginning of "our" time he included pictures in creation that would point to His plan for ALL of our lives; for our salvation, by His sacrifice:





When God chose to create my daughter and me some 30 years apart (I don't know the actual time, because I don't know how long Tyler and Lauren were frozen before we had them thawed and placed in my womb), He already knew that she would be my daughter... before my birth... before she was created in a fertility clinic and then subsequently frozen in time... before we were blessed to discover this part of God's plan for our lives and recieved our blessed little ones and I became pregnant with them... before all of that - God KNEW, God PLANNED for Lauren to be my child. In His Omniscience (all knowing) He knew she was my child, in His Omnipotence (all powerful) He was able to create her to look like me, and Omnipresent (everywhere at all times, including not defined by time) even despite the time difference in our creation... and most importantly the fact that I did not contribute at all to her genetic makeup.
                                                                                                                                Me at 3


OK, not identical, but still amazing to me!



Lauren at 3








God has spoken to mine and Matt's hearts recently in several different ways. So much so that I am praying for clarification. Adoption, foster care, birth parents, children taken from their birth parents, ultimately the protection that all kids deserve as well as loving homes, does God have more children he has "chosen" for us, does God want me to speak out more or encourage in some other way for more people to adopt and or do foster care... My mind is full, my heart is longing for answers to know what to cling to, my spirit is aching for all children to have loving, safe families to grow up in.


 I Kings 3:16 - 27 gives an account of 2 women who had given birth, 1 of the sons died, and the other lived. The mother of the dead child switched them in the night... in his wisdom received from God he ordered the living child be cut in 1/2 and each woman would get 1/2 of the child. The child's TRUE mother cried and said "no, don't kill him, let him live... give him to the other woman." King Soloman then knew and said that the child belonged to the woman willing to give him up to save his life. Although in this case the mother was the childs biological/genetic mother... I can see this in a different perspective in today's world:
I have seen women who gave birth to a child addicted to drugs because the birth moms did drugs while they were pregnant, not caring how it was harming their unborn babies. I have seen children burned, abandoned, neglected - to the point of not given what they need to live, left alone to die, prostituted out for $, nearly drowned, etc. etc. - and I have seen some of these children returned to the people who did this to them. And I have seen some of them adopted by families who would lay down their own lives for them. Tell me now... who is the "Real" parent - the one willing to lay down their life for the child. Regardless of genetics, regardless of who gave birth, regardless of similarities or differences in appearance, LOVE is what makes a parent; not giving birth!

Madi's story (with her permission)

Madi came to live with us when she was 3 weeks old. It was love at first sight! She was the first infant we had ever had in our care. Some of you may think this is odd, but other than the fact that I had a baby to love, I was excited because I got to go buy diapers, and baby food. Dealing with infertility, I would go by the baby section in stores and wish that I could be one of the ones buying baby stuff. In fact, I think I bought her baby food LONG before she was even able to eat it. Even today with 4 kids of my own, and having cared for close to 30 foster kids over the years, I still have a weakness for wanting to buy stuff in the baby section of stores. Our new foster baby has 5 different kinds of passies, and she doesn't even like them - lol. OK, back to Madi... we had her for 5 months and fell in LOOOOOOOOOVE with her, then something unforseen happened that broke our hearts, the state thought they had found her birth father. Around the same time we got offered a position as house parents closer to Matt's parents, so we figured, if she was going to leave us anyway, we might as well accept that position and move. The day Madi left us, we cried and grieved, it was horrible. I felt like God had meant for her to be my daughter, and it didn't make sense that she was leaving. Even then Madi was a daddy's girl, and it was especially hard on him. Two months later, we received a phone call that it turned out that the person they thought was her father, was not. They asked us if we were interested in adopting her. I have to say, that was one of the most exciting days in our life! We began making plans, and calling family, it was wonderful. Then we found out that we couldn't work for the children's home, and adopt through them too (same agency) SO... we resigned - which left us both with no job, and no place to live. God provided in amazing ways. Within 2 weeks, we had a place to live, we both had jobs, and we had our house inspection to be able to bring her to us. I am happy to say that we can literally tell Madi, not only did God choose her for us, but we chose her too. Not that we would have ever considered going the other direction, BUT we chose her over our job, our home, our security. And God blessed us for that step of faith - first with our wonderful daughter, and second by showing us how big He is, and how well He can take care of us when we give things over to Him.

There were some hurdles along the way. It took us about 3 months to get her back. There were 3 Fridays in a row that someone from the state called and said "you can go get her today" only to call right back and say "nevermind, something happened and you will have to wait". The first time that happened, we were heartbroken. The second time that happened, we were walking out the door to go get her when we got the call, and I thought "you have GOT to be kidding me!" The third Friday, I was literally sick with emotions going crazy, and sure enough we got the same call, saying still have to wait. That day, we laid on our bed, crying for hours, asking God "why". Why get our hopes up, only to have them squashed time after time. To this day, I don't know the answer to that question - other than... it was a growing experience. God was in control even then. It hurt, it was frustrating, it didn't make sense; but God was the same loving God that day, as he was the day that we picked our daughter up on Thanksgiving day (kinda ironic don't you think - lol). Learning to trust in the hard times is never easy, and for someone as stubborn and inpatient as me - it is really difficult :) BUT God is patient with me, and He continues to love me and bless me. We did bring Madi to our house on Thanksgiving day that year, and her adoption was final the day after my birthday 5 months later.

Madi, I love you with all of my heart! You are my first baby, and you will always hold a special place in my heart. I don't know that I have ever met anyone that is as compassionate as you, nor have I ever met a child that is as concerned about sharing God with others as you. You are such a special, sweet, beautiful young lady! I thank God every day for giving you to daddy and me. Love you, Mommy.

The Final Score

The final score was 13 - 12, and this is Tyler scoring the winning run!!

There is another score I want to show you:

Benefits of Stem Cells to Human Patients
Adult Stem Cells v. Embryonic Stem CellsDownload This ListPeer-Reviewed References

Adult Stem Cells:

Cancers:
Brain Cancer
Retinoblastoma
Ovarian Cancer
Skin Cancer: Merkel Cell Carcinoma
Testicular Cancer
Tumors abdominal organs Lymphoma
Non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma
Hodgkin’s Lymphoma
Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia
Acute Myelogenous Leukemia
Chronic Myelogenous Leukemia
Juvenile Myelomonocytic Leukemia
Chronic Myelomonocytic Leukemia
Cancer of the lymph nodes: Angioimmunoblastic Lymphadenopathy
Multiple Myeloma
Myelodysplasia
Breast Cancer
Neuroblastoma
Renal Cell Carcinoma
Various Solid Tumors
Soft Tissue Sarcoma
Ewing’s Sarcoma
Waldenstrom’s macroglobulinemia
Hemophagocytic lymphohistiocytosis
POEMS syndrome
Myelofibrosis
Auto-Immune Diseases
Diabetes Type I (Juvenile)
Systemic Lupus
Sjogren’s Syndrome
Myasthenia
Autoimmune Cytopenia
Scleromyxedema
Scleroderma
Crohn’s Disease
Behcet’s Disease
Rheumatoid Arthritis
Juvenile Arthritis
Multiple Sclerosis
Polychondritis
Systemic Vasculitis
Alopecia Universalis
Buerger’s Disease
Cardiovascular
Acute Heart Damage
Chronic Coronary Artery Disease
Ocular
Corneal regeneration
Immunodeficiencies
Severe Combined Immunodeficiency Syndrome
X-linked Lymphoproliferative Syndrome
X-linked Hyper immunoglobulin M Syndrome
Neural Degenerative Diseases and Injuries
Parkinson’s Disease
Spinal Cord Injury
Stroke Damage
Anemias and Other Blood Conditions
Sickle Cell Anemia
Sideroblastic Anemia
Aplastic Anemia
Red Cell Aplasia
Amegakaryocytic Thrombocytopenia
Thalassemia
Primary Amyloidosis
Diamond Blackfan Anemia
Fanconi’s Anemia
Chronic Epstein-Barr Infection
Wounds and Injuries
Limb Gangrene
Surface Wound Healing
Jawbone Replacement
Skull Bone Repair
Other Metabolic Disorders
Hurler’s Syndrome
Osteogenesis Imperfecta
Krabbe Leukodystrophy
Osteopetrosis
Cerebral X-Linked Adrenoleukodystrophy
Liver Disease
Chronic Liver Failure
Liver Cirrhosis
Bladder Disease
End-Stage Bladder Disease

Embryonic Stem Cells:
NONE

Peer-Reviewed References (not a complete listing, sample references)
The Facts - Prentice, D. "Adult Stem Cells" Appendix K in Monitoring Stem Cell Research: A Report of the President's Council on Bioethics (Washington, DC: Government Printing Office, 2004), 309-346.

Copied From: http://www.stemcellresearch.org/facts/treatments.htm


Tyler scored the winning run today. A little over 6 years ago, he was frozen in a liquid nitrogen tank as a 5 day old blastocyst in a fertility clinic. Just like the ones that have already been killed for scientific research. Just like the many more that will be killed using OUR tax $$ after President Obama reverses the ban on federal funding of embryonic stem cell research this coming week. Imagine if Tyler were one of the ones who was killed instead of adopted... maybe his team would have lost today... I wouldn't have my little boy who means the world to me, and I promise you - the world is better because he is in it!!

If you or someone you know have frozen embryos, please give them life. And if you are able to adopt embryos, please consider it. Please be a voice for these little ones.

The Final Score will come one day when we all face our creator... which team will you be on? Do you know Christ as your personal Lord and Savior? If so, you are already on the winning team. The Bible tells us that Jesus loves little children and He tells us to love them and to stand up for those who can't.

Thank you God for Tyler and Lauren!

blessings by adoption

Adoption is not an every day discussion around our house. When I look at my kids, I don't see "wow, I adopted them"... I see "wow, I LOVE my kids!!" To be completely honest, I don't even really think about the fact that they came to me through adoption unless the subject comes up. BUT they all know their adoption stories, and they are proud of their stories and how God chose them for us and us for them. Madison is 9, and this past Christmas we took some baby items to our local pregnancy center. With the items, Madi included in her bag a letter to the mom's of unplanned pregnancies that went something like this:

If you don't know what to do with your baby, let it be adopted, because God gave me a great family who adopted me as a baby, and He will find your baby a great family too.

Oh, that just melted my heart. I remember when she was 4 and we were in pre-op, waiting on her to go back and have her adenoids and tonsils out; and the nurse gave her a baby doll, and somehow the conversation went towards her being a mommy someday. She proclaimed that she was going to adopt a baby that needed a home. I so badly wanted to just scoop her up and take her home and not make her go through surgery. She needed the surgery and did have it done, but God has not only blessed me by giving her to me... but He also blessed her and has already begun laying it on her heart to possibly adopt when she is older.

I haven't put a sitemeter on here yet, so I don't know how many people are even reading this blog, but... would anyone like to share a little about your story? Are you considering adoption, already adopted, or maybe you yourself were adopted??

My Dreams To Be a Mom

My hands hold safely to my dream
Around the age of 15 or 16, I began to dream of being a mom.
Clutching tightly not one has fallen.
More than that, I felt like it was God's call on my life - my purpose.
So many years I've shaped each one
Several years later, when Matt and I got married,
I felt like my dreams to be a mom would soon be fulfilled.
Reflecting my heart, showing who I am.
When I first discovered we were looking at infertility issues,
I questioned God: Why would you call me to do something,
And then not let me be able to do it.
I felt like I couldn't be who I was meant to be.

Now you're asking me to show
What I'm holding Oh so tightly.
Can't open my hand; can't let go
Does it matter?
Should I show you?
Can't you let me go?
Over and over again,
I felt like I was struggling with giving my dreams to God.
I knew that He had given them to me.
I knew that He was in control of them.
But all I wanted to do was hold onto them so tightly.


Surrender, surrender
You whisper gently
You say I will be free
I know but can't you see
My dreams are me, My dreams are me
We began doing foster care,
Which I believe was part of God's plan all along.
But my heart still longed for a child to keep, a child of my own.
And I continued to dream,
and I continued to struggle with holding on,
or surrendering my dreams to God.

Say you have a plan for me
When we had been married for 4 years,
we adopted our first son,
our 12 year old foster son.
And that you want the best for my life.
Although I was very happy to have a child,
my heart still ached for a baby,
and for a chance to be pregnant.
Told me the world has yet to see
What you can do with one
That's committed to your call.
Through it all,
God remained the most important to me,
And I wanted to please Him with my life.

I know of course what I should do
That I can't hold these dreams forever.
Then God blessed us with a baby.
Through foster care, we got a 3 week old baby.
We adopted her 19 months later.
I finally had my baby, and I was VERY happy.
But I still wanted to experience pregnancy.
But if I give them now to you
11 rounds of clomid
2 IUI's
How much is trying "too" much, were we surrendering to God?

Will you take themAway forever?
After 7 years of trying,
I read an article about embryo adoption
God spoke clearly to my heart,
And I knew that was what He wanted me to do.
Or can I dream again?
A few months later,
we had 2 frozen embryos thawed,
both survived and were placed in my womb.
37 weeks later I delivered twins.
God let me experience pregnancy
with not only one, but TWO babies!
This is my infertility and adoption story put together with "Surrender" by Barlow Girl.
Everyone's story is different, but God has a plan for each of us.
"For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you" Jer. 29:11
Some people may eventually conceive on their own, some may successfully have a child through embryo adoption, and some may have a child through traditional adoption. But regardless of the end of our stories, all of us who have faced or are facing infertility share some things. Infertility is a deeply emotional life event. It hurts, it is frustrating. It doesn't seem fair that some people have many children then don't take care of them. Mother's day, baby showers, the birth of friends or family member's babies - all bring mixed emotions including tremendous pain and feelings of a loss. But in the end, the awesome thing is, we ALL have the possibility to become parents. God knows your dreams, and God knows His plans for you... I don't know what either of those are, and I don't know if your dreams are the same as God's plan for you. But I do know this: If you choose to surrender your life to God, you will never be dissappointed. In the end, He will give you the best.
I want this blogsite to be for those who have been down the road of infertility and overcome it, for those who have been traveling down that road for a long time and are tired and frustrated, and for those who are just starting down that road.
A few weeks ago in church, my husband who is a pastor, quoted Psalm 126:5 "Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy." Although I think this verse is talking about sowing to reach the lost for Christ and how happy we are when someone accepts Christ; I also think it applies to infertility. That verse stuck in my head that day. I thought about all the tears we shed as we longed for a child to love, as year after year went by. Then I thought about how God knew all along that He had my children already picked out for me. And I thought about the days that we finally experienced joy - the days we received all 4 of our children.
There are many people dealing with infertility, but there are even more children needing a loving home. Children in foster care here in America, children in orphanages around the world, and children frozen in time as embryos... so many choices... so many children... so many hurting couples... All with the possibility to make a family.